I understand now that the vulnerability I’ve always felt is the greatest strength a person can have.
Conference attendance checklist
Sit in rows and cross arms
Look for aspects of presentations that you disagree with and shake head in response
Ask an aggressively critical question
Conference presentation checklist
Avoid talking about mistakes
Intimidate with jargon and technical terms
Go on the offensive in response to any questions
Is this a hackneyed version of the conference presenter and attendee interaction or do you still experience that impenetrable masquerade of perfection from the speakers combined with a combative style from the audience? Do you get that sinking feeling when you watch someone you respect present and you don’t feel as though you’re worth anything by the end of the session? Or is it a deeper sense of suspicion that what you’re hearing is different from what you know of that person? Here we find a superficial parade of capability and a discrepancy with authenticity that create a disconnect between giver and receiver.
The receiver can come away from such an exchange deflated, disempowered and intimidated. The giver has put up a shield to protect rather than present an opportunity to grow personally, but also to develop ability and mind-set in others.
Whether it’s conferences, manager and employee, coach and athlete, parent and child, or as subtle as slightly more experienced colleague and experienced colleague – there is a dynamic of role modelling vulnerability that we all need to be mindful in order to equip and support people through tough times.
In nurturing teams Lencioni talked about the importance of a foundation of trust – of which invulnerability is the corollary. If a leader or person in a position of responsibility takes an opportunity to demonstrate a chink in the armour it can have an empathic effect of inspiring and emboldening people around them. This has to be carefully managed so that the leader does not lose credibility, is a source of moaning or excessive negative criticism. But can be infectious in changing the dynamic of ego and attack; to honesty and support. Think about a person that you respect and imagine them saying;
“I don’t have all the answers. What do you think I should do?”
“I am not sure how to approach this problem, let’s develop the solution together”
How do you get started with this? Take an opportunity, whether you lead or manage others or are looking for guidance from management and leadership to ask for feedback. So whether it is a presentation, interaction in a meeting, asking questions in a class – request some comment and input about how you got on. My top tip here is to avoid ‘How’ questions;
“How did I get on today?”
This often gives the opportunity to give non-descript feedback, “You were great”
Instead ask ‘What’ questions;
“What could I have done differently today?”
“What would have made my communication more effective today?”
This requires specifics that will also conjure up the sense that the giver of the feedback has helped, and shown that the receiver is open-minded, has a growth mind-set and shows it’s ok to be less than perfect.
Role-modelling vulnerability is a critical aspect of nurturing psychological safety in teams – so team, in that spirit let me know what you think of these blogs. Specifically, what can I do to make them more useful for you?